Being diagnosed with breast cancer is devastating. Learning to be a survivor is a difficult journey to undertake. Everything that happens in our lives is for a reason. We may not understand the reason in the beginning, but as we work through our grief with introspection, we begin to learn the lesson which is being taught to us.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer after 15 months of marriage. I never asked, ‘Why me?’ I only asked, ‘Why now?’ As a registered nurse, I thought that I would be able to handle this life-threatening event, but little did I know that as the months passed, I would fall into a depression, finding myself fighting to recover.

Being a survivor is a state of mind. It involves positive thinking. Retrospection, although painful at times, is the only way to understand why we feel what it is that we are struggling with. I found myself looking in the mirror and wondering who that person was that I was looking at and where that other person had gone that I knew. I didn’t like who I saw. I didn’t have my long platinum white hair; I looked drained and deep within my eyes you could see the despair. I had to rediscover that who I saw was the same person. I had not gone anywhere; I was just struggling with the loss of a breast. Only my thought processes and my priorities would change.

Walking through the darkness, allowing myself to grieve became one of the most difficult things I had to do. The effort would have to be spontaneous and intentional. I would have to share my journey, my sadness, my pain and my fears. I also had to make time for solitude with myself everyday and relive what had occurred. I had to live in the pain and find within it the grace to survive and eventually grow. The deeper I went into the depth of the pain, I would suffer more grief. But the more I walked through the darkness; I found that I could live a new life. I discovered that having had breast cancer was not the end of my life; it was just the beginning. The darkness that I was in was my own personal loss. I had to suffer and grieve through it and find the light. I had to allow my soul to feel gratitude and joy for the gifts that I DID have and realize the ability that I possessed to create a new life.

Choice is the key word. I could choose to rise above the anguish or I could choose to give in to the ultimate power that the stigmas of cancer can posses and become a victim. I chose to rise above that and turn my life into an inner triumph. Nicholas Walterstroff wrote when suffering from his son’s death, “And sometimes, when the cry is intense, there emerges a radiance which elsewhere seldom appears: a glow of courage, of love, of insight, of selflessness, of faith. In that we see best what humanity was meant to be…In the valley of suffering, despair and bitterness are brewed. But there also character is made. The valley of suffering is the vale of soul-making.” It is in the valleys of our lives, when we are suffering from a bad experience, that we learn about ourselves, finding strength and courage. We must find the positive in everything that comes into our lives so that we can gain strength to continue. Otherwise, we have allowed whatever has taken us there to win and we allow ourselves to become a victim of circumstances.

I recalled an experience I had when I was in my thirties when I took my sons to a wave pool. I was thrown off the raft and started to sink. As I was floating down into the depths of the water, the silence was deafening and I felt at peace. When I surfaced I realized that the peace that I felt was the connection between God and me. I knew that He was within me and around me. I found how to get to my inner self, the spiritual self. I had to release my ego because it would always keep me on the defensive. I realized that my inner self is a special place. It is where we allow God’s positive energy to flow within us. Allowing the positive energy of nature to flow around us gives us a sense of well-being. It is learning to feel and see the extraordinary in the ordinary. How often do we take for the granted the beauty of a sunset or sunrise, the peace and strength of the majestic mountains? How often do we appreciate the beauty that surrounds us when we take a walk – the flowers, singing birds? How often do we just listen to ourselves breathe and stand in awe of our body and how it works? I would guess to say seldom.

We have to surrender ourselves to let go of our fears, losses, and desires. We must allow our faith in the power of the Universe to take control. We have to learn to surrender before we can begin the journey to recovery. Our soul doesn’t control our life; our egos do. We have to give up our own will to find inner peace. Negative thinking prevents us from experiencing the positive power of the Universe – Grace. Negative thinking brings negative events into our lives. Our lives are like rivers of water. We move through life encountering twists and turns, valleys and mountains just as a river meets with obstacles, twists and turns. Moving water teaches us to be brave, not to waste time clinging to the past, and not to look back. It keeps moving forward because eventually it will reach a larger body of water. The water has no ego or fear of losing its identity or control. When we find inner peace, we become that river; we move with grace surrendering our past, regaining our identity. Grace touches our lives and we can move forward, letting go of our egos and becoming part of something larger.

When I let go of my ego, I realized that I was letting go of the need to be perfect. I was no longer angry about my reflection in the mirror. I was able to look at my reconstructed breast and not have my heart sink to my stomach. When I let go of my need to be perfect, my ego, I was then able to experience the Universe as a loving place where I am free to be imperfect! It is humanly inherent to be imperfect. By embracing my imperfections I was embracing myself. I broadened my sense of who I am and learned to appreciate myself as a brave spirit on a mission – a mission of growth and becoming wise from the knowledge that I had leaned on this journey of surviving breast cancer. Having had breast cancer does not mean the end of life. It is only the beginning of a new and wonderful life!

My fears were part of my ego. It was a barrier to growth and understanding. For two years emotional pain permeated my life. Pain is an act of being. Pain can become a shield which protects us from others, but in allowing this to happen it gives us the identity of being a victim. I was determined to use that pain to be a survivor! I was not going to allow myself to become a victim. Being a survivor is a state of mind, one that is only dictated by the person who is going through the experience.

We must live in the moment. Each moment of our life is filled with richness and magic. Each second is a miracle and worthy of being savored. To live a balanced life, I have learned that we need to embrace the past, present and future simultaneously. Living in the moment allows us to appreciate all the beauty that is unique to that moment. Our lives are so cluttered that we become overwhelmed by burdens, tasks and responsibilities. Individual moments become lost. Each moment carries with it an immeasurable amount of pleasure and delight that we should not let pass without recognition and awareness. We need to be conscious of the present and its pleasure, and then let it go. When focusing on life’s little pleasures, we relish everything we do; we emerge fully in every experience, whether positive or negative. When we embrace the present then we realize life’s magnificence is it precious moments.

Being diagnosed with breast cancer, or any life-threatening disease, causes a crisis. It is painful, frightening, and a difficult path. There will always be a crisis in our lives in one form or another. These trials are not something that we ask for, but I now believe that they can be an adventure of a lifetime! We cannot sit in sad remembrance of day’s gone by, nor curse what has happened to use while hanging our heads and crying. We have to look forward to what life holds for us.

I want to see what life is going to unfold for me. I want to see what’s coming up and not look at the past. Life’s too short for yesterdays. It moves along too fast. So when our ride gets bumpy, when we look back, we need to look up front and see if our life will jump the track. It is all right to remember this part of our history, but what’s in front of us is where it is happening. The enjoyment of living is not where we have been. Rather, it is looking ever forward to another year.

Crisis is a double-edged sword. The diagnosis of breast cancer brings the destruction of life as we have known it. It threatens our egos, and it creates chaos where there was stability. It will challenge our beliefs and response patterns. This crisis places us in an emotional turmoil and we lose the ability to cope. Breast cancer also brings with it the opportunity for something new to develop from the ruins it has created in our OLD way of life. This crisis offers many hidden benefits to those of us who accept the adventure to transform ourselves in the face of this devastating event in our life and the lives of our loved ones. It gives us the opportunity to change directions and make important changes in our life. It is through this time that most of us learn the meaning of life. We discover our mission, which will give us a greater sense of direction and purpose. This life-threatening disease invites us to experience and release old fears. Many people will find, as I did, a deeper co-existence with God or the creative forces in the Universe. For some, they may develop a profound sense of trust, knowing that there is someone or something other than themselves that is watching over them.

Being diagnosed with breast cancer was an opportunity for me, not a certainty. I chose to take the advantage of the energy in this crisis. I decided not to surrender to the feelings of despair and hopelessness. The adventure began when I CHOSE to accept the challenge and to use this life-altering circumstance as a stepping stone into a journey that was by far greater than I could have ever imagined. I encourage you to ENJOY LIFE! See the extraordinary in the ordinary. Being diagnosed with breast cancer does close the door to your life as you once knew it. Do not allow the shadow to keep you from seeing the door which has now opened to you. Life is a gift! Make each and every day the Best Day of Your Life. Dance as if no one is watching! Sing as if no one can hear!

Celebrate life and living! Share your unique self with the world. There is a purpose to every life, and in every journey we take, there is meaning and reason. Happiness comes from within us. If we allow the positive energy within – our spiritual self – to connect to that which surrounds us – the wonder of nature – we will be filled with peace. Don’t waste time worrying about things that you cannot change. You will discover a sense of direction and purpose, peace and serenity by only making the effort to change that which you can. Release your fears and then realize what an experience life and living will become. You can transform your life in the face of crisis. Remember that CAN is the beginning of the word cancer.

Debbie, originally from Toledo, Ohio, became a registered Nurse in 1973. She started her nursing career in Critical Care for eighteen years. In 1991 she began working in Long Term Care Rehabilitation Center as the Director of Nursing. Moving to Arizona in 1997, after she raised her three sons as a single mother, she established a new life for herself in hospice care as a case manager, assisting patients and families through the end-of-life process. She remarried to her present husband Wayne in December of 2002. After fifteen months of marriage and still newlyweds, they discovered that she had breast cancer. It was during this journey of being a survivor that she found breast cancer to be a Gift! She shares this journey with other women, families, and healthcare professionals, to help them understand what they are feeling is normal and that they are not alone. She hopes to help other understand that breast cancer is not the end of life, but only the beginning.

Debbie continues to write as a means of healing. “I know that I will always cry about loosing my breast. There will always be a situation that will remind me of the day that I had surgery. I know that it is ok.” Debbie continues to work in hospice and has been given the nickname of “Obe One,” because of her insight into her co-workers inner turmoil, sharing her positive attitude and the joy that she finds in every moment.Debbie Ziemann, RN, Breast Cancer Survivor, June10, 2007 Author of: Surviving Breast cancer – There is a Child Within Us and Journey to New Beginnings – Finding Peace Within